


Tell Tale Signs

by sparkinside



Category: AFI
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-12
Updated: 2017-02-12
Packaged: 2018-09-23 20:00:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9673901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sparkinside/pseuds/sparkinside
Summary: Endings are never easy





	

**Author's Note:**

> Music has always been a huge part of my writing, this story is no exception. It was inspired by a Frank Turner song of the same name. If you haven’t heard of him, I highly recommend checking his work out, it has inspired quite a bit of the pieces I’ve been working on lately.
> 
> So thanks, Frank, for writing songs that fire up my brain and my creativity.
> 
> Disclaimer: None of this is real. Never happened, doubt it ever will. I get absolutely nothing from this save a sense of amusement.

He found himself staring at the floor before wondering, yet again, how he'd managed to find himself here. It's not as if he hadn't known where all of this would lead. Where it always lead. He groaned in frustration. He should know better by now. Fuck, he did know better. But knowing and doing were two completely different concepts. Especially when Davey was involved.

It was stupid really, madness expecting anything else from that infuriating man. Adam knew this. Hell, he could write a novel on the fucking mess and still he'd find himself back at square one. Over and over and over again. He was sick of it. Sick of the dizzying highs and the devastating lows he knew always followed. That's just how it was with Davey. There was never really any middle ground; you were either on top of the world or drowning.

He'd told himself so many times that he was done. That whatever tangled mess they'd fallen into was the last time. The last straw. But it was so easy to forget reason when Davey was near. So easy to see the glory blazing brightly and completely miss the horrifying crash lurking around the bend.

But they weren't kids anymore. They hadn't been in quite some time. They shouldn't still be doing this. He shouldn't still be doing this. It was insane. He fucking knew better. The thoughts swirled in his head relentlessly. A broken record of knowledge and denial. He ran his hands through his short, dark hair and took a deep breath.

His eyes travelled to the photographs hanging on the wall. So many places and people he'd seen. So much he'd learned. How could a man be so wise and yet so naïve? He'd grown a lot over the years. Learned so much and had seen even more. He'd had to of been a machine to have stayed the same. But none of that ever seemed to matter when Davey was around. They'd simply go back to start and relive the madness thinking maybe this time it will change. But it never did.

Back then he was so sure he'd loved Davey. So sure that he would never find someone more suited for him. Someone who would ever truly understand him the way Davey did. They'd been friends for decades. Lovers for years. They'd fit the mold inside his head of what was right. Of what love was supposed to be. Fiery passion and equally fiery disdain. You could never have one without the other or else what was the point?

They had fallen into their relationship so easily. It had made perfect sense. Of course they had belonged together. He'd never known another so intimately. And he’d never had another know him just as well. They were like magnets moving around one another, held tightly but at the same time pushing apart. It was a dizzying feeling. Every touch, every kiss burned in him and Adam didn't know how he could ever survive without it.

Now he wasn't so sure. The extremes were devastating not thrilling. He wasn't even sure if it was love anymore and not just some strangle-held claim in his soul that Davey seemed to possess. The thought hurt, the sickening knowledge that everything he had believed in, everything he had been so completely sure of, wasn’t real anymore. Or at least wasn’t enough.

Adam felt torn between what he had always wanted and what was really before him. He knew what he had to do and knew what the cost would be. But that wouldn’t make it any easier. It didn’t make it any easier. He rubbed his eyes with the backs of his hands, trying desperately to clear his head. He couldn’t seem to think. The room felt miniscule around him. He felt as though he could not breathe. It was madness; nothing but pure, unadulterated madness. And it terrified him.

His thoughts reeled wildly throughout his mind, everything that had happened and everything he knew would, whatever path he chose. It made him feel ill, the constant motion knocking his sense of equilibrium erratically off kilter. Why was he here? What had he hoped to gain by agreeing to come? The doubts he had expected. He knew himself far too well to think he could come here, put an end to a relationship spanning nearly a decade, and never once falter. But their intensity was staggering. Could he really do this? Could he tell Davey that enough was actually enough? Sitting on the bed now, Adam was not entirely sure. And that doubt frightened him.

His eyes rose reluctantly towards the closed bathroom door, knowing what was waiting behind it. He silently willed it to remain closed, knowing if it did he could prolong the inevitable. It was selfish and cowardly, he was well aware, but it would be so much easier. He held his breath as he watched the handle turn. A slow, deep burning panic rose in him. 

Davey’s cool smile met his gaze. He was half dressed, a t-shirt thrown over his bare shoulder and well-worn, dark jeans hanging loose on his slim hips. He exuded a confidence that was as powerful as it was off-putting. It was a magnetic force that both pulled and pushed at anyone that drew near to him. And Adam had never been an exception. Davey never had to try, not really. It was frustrating and exhilarating all at once. Adam could vividly remember being so completely taken with the man standing before him, so completely blinded to the devastation that always resulted in their meeting.

Being near him was both agony and ecstasy, it always had been. Even now, the pull was strong, threatening to drag Adam back under. It would be so easy, he knew that with a finality that was absolute. And he wanted to, more than he had ever wanted anything. And that was the problem. The wanting verses the needing. It was never simple, it was hell and heaven and everything in-between, but it never lasted. It couldn’t last. 

He could feel Davey’s eyes on him, watching him. It was un-nerving, the way Davey always seemed to watch him. Like he could read every thought, every emotion, everything about him. Adam had once found it beautiful, to be studied so intently by someone so stunning in their own right. Now he felt exposed, vulnerable and broken. But still he said nothing. He didn’t know how to start and feared that once he had, he would never be able to stop himself. 

Adam flinched as he felt Davey’s hand rest on his shoulder, his body tensing without conscious thought. The hand fell wordlessly away and he could feel the confusion radiating off of Davey in waves. Adam had always responded to his touch with warmth and openness, even when things were at their worst. And he knew it wasn’t Davey’s fault, not completely. This was who Davey was; all or nothing. Passion and pain. Misery and elation. There was never middle ground, never a sense of normalcy. But Adam needed more than this chaotic jumble of reality. And it broke his heart. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, unsure of what else to say. And he was. So desperately, devastatingly sorry. But he had to do this, he had to end whatever it was they had become before he consumed him completely. “I love you, but I can’t.”

Davey stood, silent and motionless. Adam turned his head towards the man standing beside him. Davey’s eyes were dark with an emotion Adam could not fully process. A mixture of pain, anger, and understanding. But he did not speak a word. 

It was strange to Adam, Davey’s silence. He had always been a master with words, knowing just what ones to use to cut you to the bone and leave you bleeding. The silence was deafening. He wanted to say something, anything, to break it. In that moment Adam could feel his resolve begin to crumble. It would be so easy to take the words back and to curl himself into the beautiful man who stood beside him. And in that moment he wanted to, more than anything.

But he did not. Without conscious thought, Adam found himself standing and placing a kiss against the warm skin of Davey’s forehead. “I’m so sorry,” he breathed again before walking from the room. Each step felt leaden and weightless all at once. He did not allow himself to look back. He couldn’t trust himself if he did. 

For now, it was done.


End file.
